Our Tiny Tribe is G R O W I N G !!!

I'll get to the pertinent info immediately because I know it's all you can think about right now!

IT'S A BOY!!

12 months old

Healthy, Handsome, Absolutely Gorgeous! 

Out of state

(We have not chosen a name yet, we cannot share his current name)

Here's the full story:

As always with this tiny tribe, the story is long with many twists and turns, so settle in if you want all the details! (Or scroll to the bottom to read about our next steps!)

We had been waiting since May 2015 to be matched. Being open to adoption out of foster care as well as domestic infant adoption, the possibilities were almost endless...and so were the potential match calls. Some weeks we'd get information on 4 cases, say yes to 3 cases, and for various reasons out of our control, none of the cases we were matched too. Then there was the failed match in January.

But God is good. So faithful. And His plan is always best. I don't say this lightly, like slapping on a smile and a bumper sticker. No, I say it from the depths of struggle and despair, and hope deferred, and would still shout it even if this post ended very differently. God is so good.

October 2015 || For the past 5 years I've been perusing adoptuskids.org. It's an online database of profiles of waiting children in the United States – with resources, articles, stats. SO much. Anyway...every once in while I check it out to see if any matches come up. I was up at midnight and searched, just to see. And this little sweet face with big brown eyes was staring at me. *swoon* He had my heart and I was in love. I just knew we were supposed to be together. I immediately completed an application and profile form...and at 3 am I submitted them! I began to pray for him daily, multiple times during the day. I prayed for his workers, his birth family, his foster family, and everyone who saw or touched his file. I prayed for the judges. I prayed.

The next day the social worker messaged me and asked for our home study. I did a dance in the dining room with praise hands all the way.

And we waited...and waited...and waited.

And prayed...

At the end of October his file was updated and put on hold – meaning they were done taking submissions and reviewing home studies. Pretty soon they would make a decision. We waited again. Any day now...

November || At the beginning of November I did another search on adoptuskids.org and found a sibling group of 2. So I submitted our profile for them as well. And heard back almost right away asking for our home study to be submitted for review. In two months we had two cases in the works. My prayer has been since that day that we wouldn't have to make a choice. I never wanted to get chosen for both cases and have to make the most impossible decision of my life. Nor did I want to get matched with a baby and be chosen for one of these cases. We committed to saying Yes when we could and prayed that God would figure out the rest.

In mid-November I got an email for the little boy's case worker saying she had been transferred to another office and new social worker would take over his case...she would start the whole process over. My instant reaction was “Of course!! Of course this would happen to us! Nothing with this family is ever simple or easy or a straight line.” But I was reminded in so many amazing ways – chance encounters, messages from friends, sermons (thank you Jason Strand) from people who had no idea what was happening at this point – that God doesn't do His best work in the simple, easy, straight line. God works in the mess, the impossible, the mountains and valleys so we can't say we had anything to do with it. So I trusted that He would figure it out, because I obviously could do nothing but wait.

Thanksgiving…

Christmas…

New Years…

Silence.

We heard absolutely nothing from either worker. I tried to be patient during the holidays because everything basically shuts down. A new year begins and no one wants to start something and have it unfinished at year end. But I kept thinking of these kids who are spending one more holiday season without their forever family.

It was agonizing. We felt more like a “normal” family as we were one year post finalization but through all the celebrations and gatherings I felt like we were so incomplete.

January 2016 || I sent emails to both workers stating our continued strong interest and asked if they needed any more information. And I heard next to nothing. Then on January 11th we were sent into our whirlwind failed match experience which left me completely drained, empty, heartbroken. I was a zombie. A mombie with empty hands.

My mother-in-law asked if I wanted to go to a retreat and said I could be a vendor to sell my hats. When she asked all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and cry. I must have looked just plain pitiful. But I gave a tired yes. And a fire was set ablaze somehow. I was a knitting machine. I made three hats in one day. I made tags, created a logo, started an etsy shop, and made soap. Of all things. I just made and made and made. I have no other reason than that God was working in me, preparing me, restoring me, healing me. Giving my hands something to do while He worked on my heart. And I was back into fundraising mode, for the first time this journey. I couldn't explain it then, but looking back now I knew in my soul something was brewing.

AND THEN...|| On January 20th, two days before the event, one week after our failed match, I got a call from this little boy's social worker. After four months we got a call. Sixteen home studies had been submitted. They narrowed it down to three families. Us and two others. I started crying on the phone, and answered her questions like a babbling idiot, praying all the while God would somehow take the nonsensical words I was speaking and make something good.

In 19 days, on February 9th, there would be an adoption conference and they would make a decision. All his workers, advocates, foster parents, supervisors would gather together, look over the home studies and choose his forever family. I fell to my knees and pleaded with God. “You know the best for him. Open their eyes to the best. Even if it's not us. If not us, YOU are still good. Give us peace.”

I sold soap like a boss before the retreat. I sold soap and hats at the retreat. Looking back I don't know how I did either with all this going on, but hey, God is bigger than me and my frazzled brain.

We kept the information about the meeting close to our chest. My mind was telling me that we had a 33% chance. My soul was screaming HE IS OURS! But I knew it was in God's hands and His plan, though beautiful and perfect, could look starkly different from my desires. About 5 days before the meeting I told our small village to pray. Pray for him, pray for the workers, pray for the foster family, pray for us.

It is no accident I had watched War Room a few months before. No accident I had bought the book Fervent. No accident we watched War Room at the retreat. Prayer. Specific, strategic prayers. I posted them on my mirror. I carried them in my purse. I wrote them on small sheets of paper everywhere. In the past I would have probably binge-watched my way through Grey's Anatomy, again, or Downton Abbey, again. Not that my prayers, by any means, wafted their way up to the heavens and changed the course of the future. No, or, maybe yes? I dont know. But what I do know is that I felt peace. I was held by my faithful, good Father instead of leaning on myself, wanting to take control, or pout. I let go and it was so much better.

THE MEETING || At 10:30 am I got an email from the worker of the sibling group. My heart skipped a beat and dropped at the same time. I prayed, Oh, please don't make us choose!! I opened the email and it said a different family had been chosen within the state. I cried a bit, sad that we lost them too. But I kept thinking, maybe I got the email today, of all days, for a reason. This is part of a bigger plan. A prayer was answered. We don't have to choose.

At 1:00 pm I got a few messages that friends were praying, which is the most amazing thing in the world. I sent the Bea to rest time and played some music. I prayed. I didn't really know what to pray for – just that we'd have peace, this boy would be in the best home, and that God would be glorified no matter what.

At 2:00 our case manager told me her part of the meeting went well. She said she'd let us know if she heard anything. I assumed from our first experience with meetings like this it could be a few days before we heard their decision. Then, if we were chosen I expected another agonizing wait to make it official in court. (With our first we waited two months)

I resigned myself fully to the wait and resolved to be done adulting for the day. I settled our girl in the big bed with a movie and made a little nest for myself at the foot of the bed. I was going to sleep and dream and wait. But first, I had to run into the garage to get the meat for dinner. And then the phone rang...and I missed it!

“...You were picked...” I listened to the voicemail again and again “...YOU were picked...YOU WERE PICKED!!! Before that moment I have never in my life been full on laughing and ugly sobbing at the same time! I danced, I cried, I said a lot of, “WHUUUT”s.

Then I called Jason. He was sitting in his office at work and praying too. I had been updating him all day – the meeting started, Anita said it was good. And I told him the news. “Really? Are you serious?!” I could hear him choking up as tears streamed down my face.

Yes. We have a son and he is waiting for us.

.    .    .    .     .

This is what I learned when I was able to talk to his worker: Right now we have been chosen as his intended adoptive family and will soon take placement as his adoptive placement. There is NO court hearing that needs to take place. Praise Jesus! Only the ICPC (Interstate Compact on Placement of Children), basically the agreement between the two states stating we will take placement and Minnesota will supervise the rest of his placement until finalization. Red Tape. I had to ask her three times – ONLY the ICPC??? Yes. Once the ICPC has cleared we will be traveling to meet our little boy.

Let me just say that again…

Once this piece of paper is signed,

WE WILL MEET OUR SON AND TAKE HIM HOME!

So we wait. Again, but with so much excitement and anticipation I can barely contain myself.  We don't know when we will leave. Could be a week, could be two weeks. We are praying sooner than later!!

Please join us in prayer for this ICPC to get passed lightening fast, that all the workers who come in contact with it will be filled with an unexplainable sense of urgency to get it through. Pray that we prepare ourselves for the travels, as well as the enormous adjustments that will take place, especially our little girl. And pray for this sweet, little, gorgeous little boy who is waiting for us.

We will be in his state for about a week – with all the travel expenses and keeping a preschooler slightly entertained. So please also pray that the Lord will provide everything we need to meet our boy, get to know him, bring him home without a financial burden hanging over our heads. We trust He will provide, He always does. We just don't know how all the time.

ADOPTION IS SO MUCH MORE (part 2)

When we step out in bold faith, when we say YES to God's movement and NO to fear, when we believe in His plan and provision, amazing things can happen.

Adoption is so much more...than bringing a baby home. That in itself is beautiful, amazing, breathtakingly awesome. But there is so much more. The community that surrounds and rallies. The family that grows close. The church that supports. The birth family and foster families being loved on, cherished, encouraged. The moving of our very Lord and Savior through the hearts and minds of family, friends, coworkers, church members, total strangers...to bring this child home, grow this family together!! There is so much more than we could ever dream to see.

 .     .     .     .     .

I wrote this ridiculously long message to a couple in my church who had recently brought home a baby through adoption. And their story is truly beautiful. Believing God when He urged me to reach out, for whatever reason, I prayed and pressed SEND.

In all honesty I was expected and waiting for a polite brush off. This couple was busy. They were settling in with their new baby. They had other children. Careers. Church positions. Would they really have time for us and our story?

After a few minutes I got a response…then another…and a question: Do you have a video to add to your fundraiser?

We didn't. I would have loved to have one. I'm not techy. We don’t have equipment. And the time to edit? Yeah, right. And I'm a perfectionist so some grainy video from our phones wouldn't do. So I had settled on the realization that we weren't going to have a video and I was okay with that.

So our new friend says, "That's exactly what I was hoping you would say. I have my our production company and I would love to make a video for your fundraiser."

Instantly tears are streaming.

I could barely make out the words to the good man. God had answered so many prayers in that one little sentence, some I hadn't even prayed yet. And did this new friend know that behind the screen across town he had changed our life, our journey, strengthened our faith, with this string of words?

There are simple moments in the adoption journey, or any journey of calling by God, where He reaches through heaven and the sky right into the very air you are breathing and you FEEL Him. You know, without a doubt, total certainty, He is here. And He is real. And HE is making this happen. God just stepped down out of heaven and dumped this amazing, unbelievable miracle on us and I was undone.

Within a few short days our new friend entered our little home with his camera equipment and recorded our story. He encouraged us, worked with us, comforted and gave guidance. It was the most wonderful experience. Another simple moment when God brings people together for His purposes, especially for the adoption of a child, who would maybe never have sat together at the same table. Never am I more aware of His working around us than I am in the middle of an adoption journey. I seriously had to keep myself from thinking these very things as we worked…because really I would have been bawling the entire time! I'm crying right now as I type this!

And what have I learned through this amazing experience?

1. Step out with courageous faith. My fears were unfounded. They seemed real. And that's exactly what the enemy wanted me to think. Step out in courageous faith in God, in others, and in His working in their lives. It seems scary and awkward and silly and weird. But in our weakest moments, the most awkward encounters, if we move when He asks He will honor that.  

2. God is working, let Him work. I can't know the end, sometimes not even the middle, but I do know when God urges me to move and I ought to do so boldly, with courage, knowing that He is the one who spoke the universe into motion, He will work in my efforts. My only job here is to follow His lead. It's not to know the ins and outs of the calling I have been given, or the urge I receive. But to follow. And try to follow bravely. There is no shame in weakness or doubt. Those are opportunities for Him to surprise us and bless us immensely.

3. Assumption is robbery. My fears of rejection or brush off assume the worst in another person. I have essentially written them off, not allowing them the opportunity to show their kindness and be used by God.  I know nothing about them yet, because of my fear I I assume the worst. I need to see people as God sees them -- vessels of blessing, comfort, encouragement, wisdom, and loved by Him -- a middle man for His working in my life. Had I caved and deleted my message we would not have made new friends in our adoption journey…and I would have robbed our new friends of the opportunity to bless us as they have. When God tells you to move…MOVE. And I would have said NO to this amazing and beautiful chapter in our adoption story. And oh my goodness…I would have been completely WRONG! Dave and Sarah are the most caring and kind people in the world!! I am not letting fear get the best of me ever again…er, I'm going to try my darnedest! 

4. The Church is His jam. I am in awe of this church family we have. It's difficult in a large church sometimes, most of the time. And I was scared to death when I walked in the big doors to this big tidal wave of people. And it's been nothing but blessing after blessing. I am so proud to say I belong to a church that rallies for adoption, that supports adoption, that cherishes children who have been adopted and their forever families. More and more I firmly believe that God is using His church, this church, to speak His love and power in their lives, our lives. On occasion He has used strangers, community members, family, old friends...but more often than not He is using this church community, this village of Christ-followers to love on us, support us, and encourage us.

.     .     .     .     .

We are incredibly grateful for our friends Dave and Sarah who have so generously and graciously blessed us with this amazing video. It is truly beyond all we could ask or imagine. What a beautiful way to be used as His hands and feet. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. Truly.

ADOPTION IS SO MUCH MORE

I don't like asking for help. It is completely against my nature to put myself out there. I'd much rather never ask than face rejection. And I'm pretty small in stature so I spent my younger years hiding behind others. In elementary, even in high school, when my teacher would ask a question I would hunch down low behind the person in front of me and never had to answer, even when I almost always knew the answer. In gym class I would find a taller classmate and be their shadow until dodgeball was over. The only situations in which this well-practiced method of hiding would back fire are when my front row friend was home sick...or the person I picked for dodging dodgeball was unexpectedly good and...I ended up being the LAST person on my team. Eight foam balls flung at me and I lost us the game. Figures.

I think adoption is so much bigger than bringing a child into a family. It is so much more. I think God uses adoption to speak to hearts, show His power, faithfulness, provision. God changes people and works miracles -- all behind the scenes. We see a baby or child welcomed home, and that is incredibly amazing in itself! But we don't see all that happened in the background to get this family to this moment. The most surprising thing about adoption and the entire journey through the adoption process, is how it changed and continues to change me. All the bending, breaking, mending, learning, healing, leaning, courage, boldness, bravery, strength, the moments of defeat that made joy more complete. Adoption is so much more.

Through my struggle of infertility I discovered I had a voice. In the most isolating, excruciating struggle of my life, I found I had something to say and I didn't care if it wasn't fluffy or shiny. Through our adoption journeys I've discovered I can be brave. There's a boldness and courage that I honestly didn't know existed. In a few short months I went from meekly leaving polite messages and waiting for phone calls to demanding updates, I've faced the feelings of judgment in the home study phase, the asking and waiting in fundraising,  stood tall before judges and pleaded our case. It doesn't seem like much. And honestly as I type this I'm thinking it's a little ridiculous that I take some ounce of pride over these things. But I flashback to ten years ago, even two years ago, and remember that this person is a far cry from the professional hider in school.

And in this newest adoption journey God is not done bringing out the courage and brave and strength and might, I guess. Challenging me, changing me, shaping and molding and bending and breaking. Mending. I wrestle against it, but I want to be the mom my kids will need. And if He is saying I need to be bolder, braver, stronger, louder…then I will be. I can be a fighter.

With this newfound resolve God is stretching me...

Last week, while trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep, a simple idea came to mind. A wild thought crept out of the fog and it would not let up. This, half-asleep/half-awake place, is where He speaks to me most. Not in audible voices with direct messages, but in inclinations, seemingly crazy ideas, sleeplessness leading to prayer. Not every night. Not all the time. Mostly I think about rearranging the furniture, but sometimes God likes to use these quiet, restful moments to get my attention.

All day long I'm thinking this crazy thing and pushing it aside, only to have it creep back in. Come on! And then I had another wild thought, maybe this idea isn't mine, but His?

So I took a deep breath, prayed for courage, pleaded for bravery, the right words, boldness, humility, and that He would work in this crazy wild idea.

And you know, the reason this seemed so out there, farfetched, it's ridiculous. I know this. I have kicked myself for even thinking it crazy. But I couldn't help it. I was afraid of rejection, of the brush off, of annoying, or even being misunderstood.

Fear makes us irrational. And when we bend to fear we can miss out on some amazing awesome things God had planned for us. When the thing I fear seems more daunting than God's power is awesome, I tend to buckle and back down.

What I've learned from this adoption journey is to dig in, stand tall, and trust that God will open doors, soften hearts, and provide. Sometimes it's a little baby step, sometimes it feels like a freefalling off a cliff backwards. Fully believing, because we have no reason to doubt -- God is all about adoption and will not let anything stand between a child and his or her forever family.

So I scribbled an awkward message and sent it late at night to this pretty sweet couple that I have never met who had their our adoption fundraising to worry about and who happened to be well connected...and had recently gone viral.

Basically, "You don't know me but we're adopting. Would you please share our story?"

And then the most incredible thing happened...

.     .     .     .     .

ICPC Approval

Happy May!

When I got the phone call from DHS in January that we had been deemed the intended adoptive family for our little girl, and then getting another call saying we would have to wait until May for the possibility of bringing her home -- May could not come fast enough. And now it is here. And I am wondering how on earth that happened so painfully slow and crazy fast at the same time. The odd and eery time warp that is parenthood I guess. It is May and although our adoption journey is far from over, I breath a deep sigh of relief.

We have survived winter.

It is M A Y.

.     .     .     .     .

It occurs to me that I have not updated ya'll on our progress lately!! Maybe because every time I sit down to do so I get another phone call or email that changes it all again. Seems there is always something going on, but nothing really happen...until NOW!

Our ICPC has been approved!

An ICPC (Interstate Compact for Placement of Children) is a contract agreement between two states or agencies when dealing with state-to-state placements in foster care. It's an agreement between the child's state of origin and the new placement state (MN) stating that MN and our agency will take responsibility for the child and will facilitate post-placement supervision and visits.

Let me just tell you this: It's a HUGE step completed and moving in the right direction. . Piles of paper work filled out, completed, sent in, filed and finally APPROVED.

And...We are currently preparing for our third trip south for some visits and an important court hearing. Prayers are greatly appreciated.

If you have not yet seen it, we have launched a new fundraiser through giveforward.com. You can visit our fundraising page here. I have also included a link to the right. If you can't give anything financially right now, that's okay! Please so think about taking a few moments to click the SUPPORT button to drum up some more traffic for us! Thanks!

A Grand Adventure

In glancing over my most recent posts I find myself a tad unemotional. And perhaps so have you. Maybe I'm being hard on myself. This whole process has taken me through the wringer emotionally and sometimes (okay, maybe a lot of the time) I hold it in. Smiles, tears, anger. I hold it in, tight like it's the last few cents to my name. And it a way it is -- bits myself and I can't afford to lose anymore. 

And it could be that I process everything internally for a good few days before I write about the feel of it. So there is a lag time, which is probably for the better, as I like to use kind words and share joy rather than raw frustration and anger. 

But here's a little more of myself.

I spend a bit of my time each day in the bedroom set up especially for a specific child in mind. I can't believe we've gotten to this point! And I touch the toys, run my fingers over the pages of the books chosen with care over, what seems like, a lifetime, and squeeze the stuffed animals. And I smile a smile I wish I could capture on film. Yes, film. Real, touch with your hands, film. Because this is suddenly becoming real. These toys will be loved. These books will be read. This bed will be slept in. There will be little toes and little hands and wide eyes ready for adventure. My heart jumps!! I can almost smell it. Dreams cracking into reality. 

And I cry. Tears so full. Because some days the wait is just too much to bear. I wonder if we'll ever get there. Some days the emptiness of this room, these arms, weighs too heavy. I work, hard, to count the joy. And maybe each day is made both easier and harder because we know the little one for whom we wait and prepare. She is out there, right now, playing eating smiling laughing crying. And I smile at the thought of her and my heart breaks a little more for the ache and waiting. Yes, that smile with raw joy and sorrow. 

I find it easier to talk about her with family as if the possibility is way off. The pages of the mental calendar are stretched to great distances in my mind. Because if it's far off, and if IF it doesn't happen, it was never within my grasp in the first place. Less loss felt? Maybe not logical, certainly not less loss at all. But this is how I cope. This is how I live both present, and emotionally contained. Because one cannot run errands and bawl without looking like a mad woman. And nothing gets done so well with tears and snot in the way. So I cope. And more than cope. I hunt for joy, count joy, share joy, and hopefully grow a little bit here and there.

If there was only one thing infertility has taught me it is this: There comes a time in any experience with grief and loss that one must get back to the living -- living, real people. living a life. the simple daily tasks of living. How? I have no idea. It doesn't hurt less but we've got to keep moving, simply because...we must. And however you can is good enough for the now. So I'm not too hard on myself for seeming detached or matter of fact. But I do understand it might seem weird to others.  Grace. shovel grace on me. I have learned to heave grace on others -- the hard and heavy, and fluffy light. The hurting, the angry, the misunderstanding, the ill-informed. Just pile on the grace. 

And now to. . .

. : The GRAND ADVENTURE : .

Something magical is happening pretty soon. And when I'm alone and speak it out loud, without the holding it together, without the coping, without restraint or care for the tears, I dance. 

The good man and I are going to visit our little girl!!

In a few weeks we travel to her hometown and will meet her, get to know her, play with her, hold her, hear her laughter, and see her beautiful face!! We can hardly contain our joy and excitement. We are not sure how the visits will go, how much time we will have, or what's going to happen at all. But we are going! And that's all that matters, that's all I can think about. And God help us when we come home. 

We could really use your prayers. We are preparing for a long trip and have virtually no idea what will happen. We're hoping and praying to meet the foster parents, to visit with the social workers and have at least one unsupervised visit. We could use your prayers as we head down and as we come back home again leaving to continue the wait. 

Thank you for your continued support and prayers as we make our way through this adoption journey. We are grateful to have such a wonderful community around us, our village, who love adoption as much as we do. 

We are hoping that our travel costs will be reimbursed. We think it's best to go for at least one visit, but financially, we hope we aren't stretched. We have complete faith that God will provide for this little family spread out so far. But if you do think of us and feel called to help, or if you have been looking for our fundraising website and noticed it completed, I started a new fundraiser. Go to the link listed to the right. And again, as always, we appreciate every bit. Pennies and more. And prayer.  Yes, prayer is always accepted, treasured, and the best.

. : T H A N K : Y O U : . {again and again}

I don't even know how to begin this post. So much love shared and felt...showered on and stood in awe. Undeserved kindness and support, mountains moved and a village made.

When we took the leap onto this path, hand in hand facing unknown and giants, we had no idea the wonderful, beautiful we would encounter, even in the darkest corners and deepest forest.

And amazingly...

HOME STUDY PAID

and what's more?

  

we are

  

 HOME STUDY APPROVED

.     .     .     .     .

Can we just take this moment to scream and cheer and cry and faint because, people, this is HUGE! And I am breathing a lot easier these days...

Family, friends -- new and old, friends of friends I've never met, and complete strangers who stumbled upon us and our story: we could not have done it without you. All of you. From the penny found in the driveway to the first and most mind-blowing donation -- each stops my heart and roots my belief deeper and deeper that adoption is a community event.

We didn't know what we were doing when we started and adoption fundraiser. Really. We wondered if anyone would respond. We wondered if people might think us rude, or at least inappropriate, to air our "private" business and have the audacity to mention money. I was seriously scared, with no idea what might happen.

But as I filled out the application and shared my dreams of fundraising, I felt a sense of urgency and the weight of truth:

We, children of God, have all been adopted. And as believers we all can relate to the orphan, alone and forgotten, the need for family. And the fact of our adoption only brings to light the fact that adoption is God's plan.

And all this trinkled down to reassure me, bring me hope -- when there is an orphan, a child in need...they will come. The village will surround.

To  simply say that the village did surround is a gross understatement. The village, YOU, did more than surround. You encouraged every day, supported every step, cheered every victory, even the small; groaned with us when we needed to vent, and gave comfort when we were all but defeated. You offered your time, your projects and even opened your homes! And you prayed. You PRAYED. And we are still in disbelief of the miracles seen last fall. 

Together. we + you = completed a home study, raised enough to completely cover the cost of it all, PLUS the post placement visits!

Thank you, those two simple words, seem to be less than enough. I want to hug each of you, bring you a favorite drink, jump up and down with you all! Thank you. THANK YOU!! We are so grateful for you and none of this could have happened without you!!

I wrestled with the idea of sharing the breakdown of raised funds. Is it appropriate? Is it bragging? Is it too personal? But you know what, I don't care about all that. As we said when we started out on this journey, you are all apart of bringing this family together. And we want you to see what you have so generously and selflessly, cheerfully accomplished!

 Funds Raised                                                   Adoption Fees

Online Fundraiser      $1585                       Home Study    $3000

Checks in mail              450                 Background Studies   140

Photography                 265              Post Placement Visits  1400
Bird Bath Sales             225                          Total:        $4540
Garage Sale #1            1751
Garage Sale #2              350
               Total:      $4626

Can I just tell you that, honestly, I thought we might raise...$1000?

We raised 4 times that. I am still spinning. 

So there it is: the majorly-overdue-awesome-news-filled update. With the home study completed and approved, and paid for, we are onto the waiting. People call it the fun part, but as a large portion of my adult life has been spent waiting, I'm not entirely thrilled by it. 

I am thrilled to be onto the next adventure our Good and Great Father has in mind for us. 

If you are still interesting in helping us out as we get closer to bringing our family together, we are continuing to use GiveForward to raise funds for travel expenses, when the time comes. Our new fundraiser page is here. 

Thanks for reading, as always...
and thanks again for all your prayers, support, and encouragement.

Big Little Steps

We packed the cars again and shoved, with great effort, the doors closed. Filled to the brim with items donated by family and friends, new for this next sale, or leftover from the last. With large items loaded into a truck bed, borrowed from a friend. We have been blessed with great friends. This we are learning well and ever grateful. And we, with our loot and stickers and tape and markers and hangers, pull out onto the road. A caravan. Convoy. Train headed to great possibilities.

There is a constant nervousness about me these days. Not really anxiety. Not really worry, not really even nervousness. A kind of tickle...excitement, bubbling joy, trinkling fear of the unknown and unexpected, mixed with worry that somehow it will all be for nothing, and anticipation for the wonderful good adventure ahead...How can all of that be anything but a tickle? Head to long skinny toes.

So we head down the road and with every white dash passing on the black tar, with every breath I take, a prayer: "God, work in this. God, go before us. God, bring out the right people at the right time for the right item for the right reason...just bring them. And remind me this is all for them; for You, and them."

We pull into the driveway of a house I have never seen, belonging to a couple I have never met. And as I walk up the drive to wave to Andrea, my dear friend, her mom wraps me in a warm hug even before we are introduced. Diane and her husband Brian have willingly, graciously, joyfully offered us the use of their garage for our second and final sale. And from that moment on we have been doted upon, humbled, and just showered with love and kindness, not only from this wonderful family, but also their neighbors. Tables offered freely, neighbors helping along the way. Everyone excited and encouraging and just amazingly perfect. I have been amazed and am still in awe!



We, the six of us, dig through box after box, bag after bag -- organized and priced countless items -- into dusk and beyond. And honestly I felt that we were getting no where. It was a serious mess, not their garage, but the things we brought. Just so much in too many piles. So we broke for pizza!

And we shared a great meal together in this warm, welcoming home with these wonderful people who we did not know six months ago, who are now a huge part of our adoption story. I sat back and smiled. God is so good. All the time. And after a bit more work, wouldn't you know it? The garage looked amazing and we closed the door. A communal, grateful sigh. And the good man and I headed home, hand in hand in silent and vocal prayer.

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I stayed up too late and woke up too early and, with great need of coffee, headed out into the chilly autumn air with simple anticipations of seeing God in amazing ways. And I'm not just saying that. I prayed and prayed and sang and talked out loud to myself -- if only I see God work, if only I see Him...I will be more than grateful no matter the outcome of the sale. So I prayed for courage and contentment. And it echoed again, those verses that have been with me since the very first steps of this journey -- in the early inkling of something amazing, and in whispers of adoption: 

{Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. }

So I did what I do, not best, but what I have learned to do in the most daunting moments: I pulled up my bootstraps and became the determined crazy woman. And oh, yes I did.

While still dark, I walked with signs and hammer in hand to the prime sign locations and pounded them in. And when the first set of signs was securely placed, I began to run back across the overpass...in the dark...by myself...with a hammer...and laughed out loud! Because I really did become that determined crazy woman, wild hair, hammer and all! And I was no longer afraid, because really, who's going to mess with a wild woman wielding a hammer before sunrise?

So after that little show, I decided that, YES, I was in extreme need of coffee. I pulled into Dunn Bros and realized I pulled in the wrong way. *sigh* I drove around the building and waited in the now existing line. Ordered. Prayed. And pulled to the window. The chipper barista handed me my drink with a huge smile. I offered my card and she waved it away, "The person in front of you paid for your drink!" And I wanted to cry. I just wanted to melt and cry. Early morning kindness on another day I'm pulling up the straps. Oh, yes. I was going to see good things.

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And...a couple hours later the good things were coming in the form of cloudy skies, sprinkling rain, biting wind, and fallen signs. It was 50 degrees and I was freezing. My hot coffee long gone and no one to send to fix the signs, I walked down the street and hoped to make it right. Again, the crazy lady with the hammer. And in those small moments of, "what the heck am I doing? We're never going to get anywhere with this," I remember that each freezing, tiring moment is for them. And if someone actually told me I would have to endure this cold, wet day a thousand times to have my babies, I would. In a heartbeat. And I remember He will show up. And to have courage.

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As the day warmed up, slightly, shoppers arrived and most found at least one thing to purchase. Andrea stopped by and brought me lunch. Love. I went to get ones and some more coffee and returned to find Adele, my newest adoption friend! And she stayed to chat for a long while. More love. A friend of a friend stopped by. Small world. The good man came from work and brought warm hugs. True love and best friend. He fixed the signs and made me smile.

I did see God working in amazing and unexpected ways: early morning breakfast with Diane and a great chat about adoption. The excited smiles of strangers when listening to our story. Lunch with a new friend. A visit with a new friend. And really, just knowing that all this -- the rain, the sun, the big bills, the small change, the cold, the warmth -- is for them, our babies. And they are so worth it.

And with $176 added to our adoption fund, we closed shop. 

At home, I rested deep wrapped in His love, and his. 

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The next morning, with the good man by my side, I opened the sale again. Signs up and sturdy, friends showing up early. The sun started to peek out bright and warm. It was looking like the beginning of something good, great even. 

Diane offered waffles and coffee, naturally, because she is just wonderful like that. And I have to get better at letting others care of me, be kind to me, love on me through wonderful kind acts and generosity. My stubbornness gets in the way, as does my fear of being in the way.

We spent the morning chatting with our friends, Andrea and Ryan. I passed on my love of knitting to my new friend and we counted time in purls and knits. We laughed loud and often and I find my joy overflowing. 

More new friends stopped by. Another couple adopting we met at our amazing adoption group. We have been showered in friends and supporters and I can hardly believe it. Friends in small group. Friends from long ago. Friends newly found on a shared road to parenthood. And I have to be better at showing these friends how truly important, vital, and cherished they are. 

At the end of the day we gathered up the things unbought and brought them to Goodwill. We kept some goodies that might do well at a silent auction. We hugged our friends and headed home. 

God works in amazing ways. In the very beginning of this journey I attended a MOPS meeting with some friends. Yes, me, that's right. And at the meeting an adoptive mom said something to the effect of "You will never see God working so vividly and evidently as when you are in the middle of an adoption journey." And I completely believe that. He shows up in the most bold and amazing ways, and gentle, quiet ease. The first sale was an explosion of people and funds. Like nothing I have ever seen before. The second sale was an explosion of love and friends and a constant flow of the Father's steadfast love, strength and courage. As if to say, "Even when the numbers are not overflowing, I've got it." 

And please do not misunderstand. I am equally excited and grateful and overjoyed by each individual sale. Each was perfect and amazing, by their own right. And God worked amazingly through each. Diane said it perfectly: Each big little step. 

And each is a wonderful part of this unexpected journey. 

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GARAGE SALE: Metro Edition Total: $340

Total Raised To Date: $4071

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We are less than $1000 away from meeting our first goal of $5000!! 

I know that God will push us through to the finish line and all it takes is a few willing hearts -- people who are passionate about children finding homes, people who desire to be involved in an adoption, or just people wanting to help out any way they can! I know our Heavenly Father has them marked and knows their purpose. I just can't wait to see how it all comes together!

I am still in shock! We officially started our fundraising adventure in August and not even two months later we are already so close! This little writer is fighting for the right words. We are overwhelmed, feeling so loved, and truly to believe that each one of you is just as excited to see our little ones come home. What an amazing day that will be!! 

Our funds have been raised, not only through garage sales, but also through...

     - generous gifts on our fundraising websites: giveforward, youcaring

     - through our friends at Chastanet Photography

     - sweat, blood and tears of my mom as she makes and sells birdbaths

     - and simple donations from friends and friends of friends through the mail! 

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THANK YOU to everyone who donated, visited, gave extra, shared on facebook, told your friends, and supported us in spirit, prayed, helped and rooted for us from the beginning. 

A very special THANK YOU to our new friends, Andrea & Ryan Chastanet and Brian & Diane Wheeler, for whom we are forever grateful. Thank you for letting us use your garage, for welcoming us into your home, for supporting us as complete strangers and now friends, and for helping us haul our massive loads all over town! 

A few more wonderful friends who have helped us along the way...

Laura & Joel Boyd

Alex Boyd

Kristin Boyd

Lindsey Brimmer
Sue & Dan Skalicky
Liza & Aaron Skalicky

Robin Gunnerson & Girls

Audrey 

Olivemae Gebhart

Leslie Beckrich

Cindy Stapleton

Tammy Ranso

Marilyn Isaac

Linda Hagen

Nancy Grossman

Carry Hopkins

Tom & Barb Adams

Joyce Sjostrand

Shelly Lambert

Amanda Butterfield

Sandy Hubbart

Naomi Hoard
Gina Batchellor
Bree Fellows
Adele Yong Schultz
Carey & Michael Granica
Jamie Street
.     .     .     .     .

There are many others who have helped in the background by quietly sharing and spreading the word, and those who have helped anonymously. If I forgot to mention you, please forgive me. In this whirlwind of a week it has been hard to keep track of my laundry let alone the details of this experience. 

Newest Fundraiser: Garage Sale in Circle Pines

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GARAGE SALE FUNDRAISER: Metro Edition

Attention friends and family in the Twin Cities area a huge, wonderful, fun, treasure-filled fundraising event is coming your way...and for a good cause too!!

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For TWO DAYS Only!

Friday, September 20th 

8:00 am - 5:00 pm

Saturday, September 21st

8:00 am - 1:00 pm

4100 98th NE

Circle Pines, MN 55014

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Name brand clothes: for men, women, juniors and kids; furniture, books, shoes, a keyboard, toys. There's something for everyone!

Bring your wallet, find some hidden treasures, and bring a family together!

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Again, ALL proceeds from this sale will go towards our adoption fees. Specifically, we are hoping to raise money for our post placement fees and possible travel expenses. 

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We are still accepting donations! 

If you live in the metro area and still have some unwanted items you'd like to donate, feel free to swing by the address above on 

Thursday, September 19th from 6:00 - 8:30 pm

Or message me on facebook or email to see if we could meet up during the week.

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p l e a s e

. : share : .

this info with family and friends. 

You never know who could come, who might be impacted and how far the impact will reach.

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Our fundraiser with Chastanet Photography through September and October is in full swing. Check them out on facebook here to book a session before it's too late! 

Senior pics, family photos, Christmas cards, baby announcements, and everything in between!!

If you wish your donated portion of the proceeds from the session to be donated specifically to our adoption fundraising, please let them know. We have partnered with mutual friends who are also adopting. 

Leaps & Bounds Closer

How, really how can I explain to you the amazing things we have seen this week? We have seen long lost missed friends show up to give, to encourage and reconnect. We have seen lifelong friends give generously and unexpectedly, to our shock and pure excitement and gratitude. We have seen complete strangers excitedly run up to the garage, "Is this the sale I heard about on facebook?!" And buy a few things and give a few dollars, or just give! We have seen our expectations blown out of the water, completely exceeded. 

Most of all, we have seen God moving in our hearts, holding and molding and changing and softening, and in the hearts of others. We have seen with our own eyes the amazing things that happen when a community comes together with a common goal, covered in prayers, when God is faithfully working. He fiercely loves those in need, especially our little ones who are waiting to come home, and we have seen how powerful that love truly is. 

I have repeated a simple mantra to myself at times throughout our marriage -- in school, in unemployment, when bills arrive in the mail -- "God is bigger than numbers. God is bigger than money. God is bigger than circumstances." 

And this week I believe and know this with all my heart. Like the Israelites waiting in Egypt, wanting to believe that God was faithful, to the Israelites who live in the promised land who have seen with their own eyes the faithfulness of the Father, we can now say to each other, just as Moses did: "Remember when God arrived, and lead, and saved, and provided, and blew our minds away? Yeah, he's going to do that again, so why don't we trust Him now?!" 

This week we braved an unexpected heat wave with temps rising to the high 90s, something of legend in the north woods. We braved a fierce and mighty storm that nearly drenched all of the clothes for sale (had it not been for my wonderful bro's awesome help!) and did succeed in taking down the screen tent (which I held up as potential shoppers watched in their cars while Mom pulled up to help and later commented, "You looked like a drown rat! Ha. ha. ha.") 

And I survived a chaotic morning during which I did not have sale signs and had to drive around town to locate the vehicle that stored said signs, and forgot my cash box at my sister's apartment and needed to run to the bank and McD's to get cash and change -- all between 7:30 and 8:15! We also survived an injured and sick sister for whom I ran to get a bucket before the third day of the sale. And if you remember my previous comments about Bean's nonexistent experience in puking, you'll understand how dire the hour was. 

So all in all it was an adventure like no other, in both crazy fun stories to share for years to come, and the amazing ways in which God showed up and provided immeasurably more than we had asked or imagined.

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Drum roll please...

GARAGE SALE FUNDRAISER TOTAL: $1751
(my sister paid her bill of $3 after we made the sign!)

More than triple what we had hoped to raise!!!

Total Raised To Date: $3401

Which means...we have raised enough money to pay for and complete our home study!! Once the home study has been approved, we can officially apply for grants! 

We will continue fundraising as grants will cover some but not all of our adoption fees. 

We are only $1599 away from our first goal of $5000! 

I am in shock. Complete shock. I took the money to the bank to make it more manageable as a pile on ones is difficult to contain, and it hits me, like a ton of bricks, that we are within walking distance to our completed adoption. We are steps away, and I have to catch my breath every time it hits me. I get chills and am now bursting into tears at random moments. But unlike my puddles of tears left in baby aisles at Target and the mall, these tears are of pure joy, excited anticipation, and incredible unbelief as to how amazing the Lord has been, others have been, and my community has just loved on us throughout this entire process. 

Our home study will be completed when we move, between October and November, so anytime after that we could get a placement -- we could potentially have a child in our home before the end of the year!! Can you hear my screams and squeals?!?!

THANK YOU to everyone who donated, visited, gave extra, shared on facebook, told your friends, and supported us in spirit. We would like to thank a few special people that wet above and beyond to make this fundraiser possible, to whom we are forever grateful and joyful. 

To our special friends, we love you and truly appreciate your generosity and support:

Laura & Joel Boyd

Alex Boyd

Kristin Boyd

Lindsey Brimmer

Robin Gunnerson & Girls

Audrey 

Olivemae Gebhart

Leslie Beckrich

Cindy Stapleton

Tammy Ranso

Marilyn Isaac

Linda Hagen

Nancy Grossman

Carry Hopkins

Tom & Barb Adams

Joyce Sjostrand

Shelly Lambert

Amanda Butterfield

Sandy Hubbart

Naomi Hoard

There are many others who have helped in the background by quietly sharing and spreading the word, and those who have helped anonymously. If I forgot to mention you, please forgive me. In this whirlwind of a week it has been hard to keep track of my laundry let alone the details of this experience.