Big Little Steps

We packed the cars again and shoved, with great effort, the doors closed. Filled to the brim with items donated by family and friends, new for this next sale, or leftover from the last. With large items loaded into a truck bed, borrowed from a friend. We have been blessed with great friends. This we are learning well and ever grateful. And we, with our loot and stickers and tape and markers and hangers, pull out onto the road. A caravan. Convoy. Train headed to great possibilities.

There is a constant nervousness about me these days. Not really anxiety. Not really worry, not really even nervousness. A kind of tickle...excitement, bubbling joy, trinkling fear of the unknown and unexpected, mixed with worry that somehow it will all be for nothing, and anticipation for the wonderful good adventure ahead...How can all of that be anything but a tickle? Head to long skinny toes.

So we head down the road and with every white dash passing on the black tar, with every breath I take, a prayer: "God, work in this. God, go before us. God, bring out the right people at the right time for the right item for the right reason...just bring them. And remind me this is all for them; for You, and them."

We pull into the driveway of a house I have never seen, belonging to a couple I have never met. And as I walk up the drive to wave to Andrea, my dear friend, her mom wraps me in a warm hug even before we are introduced. Diane and her husband Brian have willingly, graciously, joyfully offered us the use of their garage for our second and final sale. And from that moment on we have been doted upon, humbled, and just showered with love and kindness, not only from this wonderful family, but also their neighbors. Tables offered freely, neighbors helping along the way. Everyone excited and encouraging and just amazingly perfect. I have been amazed and am still in awe!



We, the six of us, dig through box after box, bag after bag -- organized and priced countless items -- into dusk and beyond. And honestly I felt that we were getting no where. It was a serious mess, not their garage, but the things we brought. Just so much in too many piles. So we broke for pizza!

And we shared a great meal together in this warm, welcoming home with these wonderful people who we did not know six months ago, who are now a huge part of our adoption story. I sat back and smiled. God is so good. All the time. And after a bit more work, wouldn't you know it? The garage looked amazing and we closed the door. A communal, grateful sigh. And the good man and I headed home, hand in hand in silent and vocal prayer.

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I stayed up too late and woke up too early and, with great need of coffee, headed out into the chilly autumn air with simple anticipations of seeing God in amazing ways. And I'm not just saying that. I prayed and prayed and sang and talked out loud to myself -- if only I see God work, if only I see Him...I will be more than grateful no matter the outcome of the sale. So I prayed for courage and contentment. And it echoed again, those verses that have been with me since the very first steps of this journey -- in the early inkling of something amazing, and in whispers of adoption: 

{Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. }

So I did what I do, not best, but what I have learned to do in the most daunting moments: I pulled up my bootstraps and became the determined crazy woman. And oh, yes I did.

While still dark, I walked with signs and hammer in hand to the prime sign locations and pounded them in. And when the first set of signs was securely placed, I began to run back across the overpass...in the dark...by myself...with a hammer...and laughed out loud! Because I really did become that determined crazy woman, wild hair, hammer and all! And I was no longer afraid, because really, who's going to mess with a wild woman wielding a hammer before sunrise?

So after that little show, I decided that, YES, I was in extreme need of coffee. I pulled into Dunn Bros and realized I pulled in the wrong way. *sigh* I drove around the building and waited in the now existing line. Ordered. Prayed. And pulled to the window. The chipper barista handed me my drink with a huge smile. I offered my card and she waved it away, "The person in front of you paid for your drink!" And I wanted to cry. I just wanted to melt and cry. Early morning kindness on another day I'm pulling up the straps. Oh, yes. I was going to see good things.

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And...a couple hours later the good things were coming in the form of cloudy skies, sprinkling rain, biting wind, and fallen signs. It was 50 degrees and I was freezing. My hot coffee long gone and no one to send to fix the signs, I walked down the street and hoped to make it right. Again, the crazy lady with the hammer. And in those small moments of, "what the heck am I doing? We're never going to get anywhere with this," I remember that each freezing, tiring moment is for them. And if someone actually told me I would have to endure this cold, wet day a thousand times to have my babies, I would. In a heartbeat. And I remember He will show up. And to have courage.

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As the day warmed up, slightly, shoppers arrived and most found at least one thing to purchase. Andrea stopped by and brought me lunch. Love. I went to get ones and some more coffee and returned to find Adele, my newest adoption friend! And she stayed to chat for a long while. More love. A friend of a friend stopped by. Small world. The good man came from work and brought warm hugs. True love and best friend. He fixed the signs and made me smile.

I did see God working in amazing and unexpected ways: early morning breakfast with Diane and a great chat about adoption. The excited smiles of strangers when listening to our story. Lunch with a new friend. A visit with a new friend. And really, just knowing that all this -- the rain, the sun, the big bills, the small change, the cold, the warmth -- is for them, our babies. And they are so worth it.

And with $176 added to our adoption fund, we closed shop. 

At home, I rested deep wrapped in His love, and his. 

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The next morning, with the good man by my side, I opened the sale again. Signs up and sturdy, friends showing up early. The sun started to peek out bright and warm. It was looking like the beginning of something good, great even. 

Diane offered waffles and coffee, naturally, because she is just wonderful like that. And I have to get better at letting others care of me, be kind to me, love on me through wonderful kind acts and generosity. My stubbornness gets in the way, as does my fear of being in the way.

We spent the morning chatting with our friends, Andrea and Ryan. I passed on my love of knitting to my new friend and we counted time in purls and knits. We laughed loud and often and I find my joy overflowing. 

More new friends stopped by. Another couple adopting we met at our amazing adoption group. We have been showered in friends and supporters and I can hardly believe it. Friends in small group. Friends from long ago. Friends newly found on a shared road to parenthood. And I have to be better at showing these friends how truly important, vital, and cherished they are. 

At the end of the day we gathered up the things unbought and brought them to Goodwill. We kept some goodies that might do well at a silent auction. We hugged our friends and headed home. 

God works in amazing ways. In the very beginning of this journey I attended a MOPS meeting with some friends. Yes, me, that's right. And at the meeting an adoptive mom said something to the effect of "You will never see God working so vividly and evidently as when you are in the middle of an adoption journey." And I completely believe that. He shows up in the most bold and amazing ways, and gentle, quiet ease. The first sale was an explosion of people and funds. Like nothing I have ever seen before. The second sale was an explosion of love and friends and a constant flow of the Father's steadfast love, strength and courage. As if to say, "Even when the numbers are not overflowing, I've got it." 

And please do not misunderstand. I am equally excited and grateful and overjoyed by each individual sale. Each was perfect and amazing, by their own right. And God worked amazingly through each. Diane said it perfectly: Each big little step. 

And each is a wonderful part of this unexpected journey. 

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GARAGE SALE: Metro Edition Total: $340

Total Raised To Date: $4071

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We are less than $1000 away from meeting our first goal of $5000!! 

I know that God will push us through to the finish line and all it takes is a few willing hearts -- people who are passionate about children finding homes, people who desire to be involved in an adoption, or just people wanting to help out any way they can! I know our Heavenly Father has them marked and knows their purpose. I just can't wait to see how it all comes together!

I am still in shock! We officially started our fundraising adventure in August and not even two months later we are already so close! This little writer is fighting for the right words. We are overwhelmed, feeling so loved, and truly to believe that each one of you is just as excited to see our little ones come home. What an amazing day that will be!! 

Our funds have been raised, not only through garage sales, but also through...

     - generous gifts on our fundraising websites: giveforward, youcaring

     - through our friends at Chastanet Photography

     - sweat, blood and tears of my mom as she makes and sells birdbaths

     - and simple donations from friends and friends of friends through the mail! 

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THANK YOU to everyone who donated, visited, gave extra, shared on facebook, told your friends, and supported us in spirit, prayed, helped and rooted for us from the beginning. 

A very special THANK YOU to our new friends, Andrea & Ryan Chastanet and Brian & Diane Wheeler, for whom we are forever grateful. Thank you for letting us use your garage, for welcoming us into your home, for supporting us as complete strangers and now friends, and for helping us haul our massive loads all over town! 

A few more wonderful friends who have helped us along the way...

Laura & Joel Boyd

Alex Boyd

Kristin Boyd

Lindsey Brimmer
Sue & Dan Skalicky
Liza & Aaron Skalicky

Robin Gunnerson & Girls

Audrey 

Olivemae Gebhart

Leslie Beckrich

Cindy Stapleton

Tammy Ranso

Marilyn Isaac

Linda Hagen

Nancy Grossman

Carry Hopkins

Tom & Barb Adams

Joyce Sjostrand

Shelly Lambert

Amanda Butterfield

Sandy Hubbart

Naomi Hoard
Gina Batchellor
Bree Fellows
Adele Yong Schultz
Carey & Michael Granica
Jamie Street
.     .     .     .     .

There are many others who have helped in the background by quietly sharing and spreading the word, and those who have helped anonymously. If I forgot to mention you, please forgive me. In this whirlwind of a week it has been hard to keep track of my laundry let alone the details of this experience. 

One Giant Step Closer...

An Update on our First Day of the Garage Sale Fundraiser:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, 

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

Let me just say that the good man and I walked into this fundraiser knowing that this would not raise the bulk of our needed funds. We planned auctions, donation pages, planned to bombard facebook and churches with our story. A "goal" for the week was to be happy at $400. That's $100 a day. Doable. Realistic. Yet, making a difference. 

I need to explain these expectations and assumptions so that you can see, along with me, how God blew them completely OUT OF THE WATER. 

Day One Total Raised: $843

Let me just say that again. Eight. HUNDRED. and Forty. Three. DOLLARS

More than DOUBLE our hopes for the week...in one day.

Our total raised to date: $2533

We are halfway to our first goal of $5000 -- to cover the home study and post placement visits.

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I pull up to the house, the home I was born to, learned to walk in, the yard I played in, skinned my knees in, ventured with Bean and Ro' in. The garage, inside the walls I learned  to hammer nails, learned to love the smell of sawdust and my dad's handiwork, hard work. And how blessed we are to come home to home.

A car crammed with selfless love and encouragement: donations from family and friends spoken over with calls to courage, reminders of His provision, and hopeful expectations. I ran to say hi to Mom and Dad -- and took a breath before getting to the work. Boxes unloaded and sorted and cleaned and priced and organized, rearranged and backs stretched again and again. 


A smile breaks out, wide and bright. Bean arrives and the hot, sticky day, and all the work, seems so much more doable. I love my mom and dad, but there is something so wonderful about my sister walking in, strolling in, on a late August night, because she finally, finally, lives here again. And really, what would I do without her in all this?

More clothes sorted and folded and priced. And as the sun sets, we move into the garage and the boxes of...everything. Sorting, organizing, cleaning and it is late and dark and still the heat is building and we are tired. 

It's almost midnight. The neighborhood quiet and dreaming, snoring. The brother and the dad have long since retreated to their beds. And the three women work on. Bursts of laughter erupt into the night air, down the street and into the wood. Countless boxes and endless things displayed, with loving care. This work is common, the goal is rare. We are working for a baby and we are all silently aware. And doing what we know best -- laughing, goofing, making each moment count.

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The signs are out and the door is open. Vans and trucks and bikes arrive. It's early morning and already the heat is well above 80, soon climbing into the 90s. And still they come, with their friends and sisters and children and alone. Family friends, long time friends, and strangers flock. Some just happened to drive by, others saw ads, and still others walk up and ask, "Is this the adoption sale? We've been waiting all week!"

There's something for everyone and most do find a treasure. $5, $10...the totals are tallied. And on more occasions than I could count, a twenty dollar bill was offered, and change was waved away, "You keep the rest." My heart overflows, overwhelmed and made speechless. I choked back tears and learned the simple art of nodding gratitude. 

A woman searched carefully through every table, every box, every corner, finding nothing. And still she walks my way, opens her wallet and smiles. "Couldn't find anything, so you can have it all." And slips the bills, secretly into our donation jar -- blue mason wrapped in twine borrowed from the wedding with a new sign (old, new, borrowed, blue -- because you're always building, creating family. It never stops at two.) 

A family friend, who walked along side band concerts, graduations, birthday parties, weddings, births, and everything in between, shared meals, stories, jokes, late night laughter and prayers -- an unexpected large sum donation and the sunglasses must go on. Tears are shed in disbelief, humbled and covered in love, and realizing that this community is here -- waiting in joyful anticipation, for these babies, theses little ones they love completely and have yet to meet. 

A little boy running wild while his mom asks the questions I eagerly answer -- about home studies, and future children, and fundraising, and all the exciting goings on. And this little boy finds a penny. And runs, full speed, to my side, "A penny! I found a penny, because every penny counts!" And I gush with honest and sincere gratitude for a penny. And I am so aware that I have never in my life been more thankful for a penny. Because, yes, little running wild boy, every penny is closer to our goal: 500,000 pennies. 

A lifelong friend swings by, again, having already shopped and bought and donated, to take orders for iced coffee because, lo and behold, Caribou just happens to be having a coupon day. So in the heat of the afternoon when we are at our last bit of sanity, our friend, who decorated at my wedding, who prayed with me in college, who is one of the most selfless people I have ever known, again, comes to the rescue. And we are oh, so grateful. My heart overflows again and I wonder how many times this can happen in one day?

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After the sale, after tallying all the proceeds of the day, I rush to meet a dear friend, longtime friend, practically family. I am still in shock. I counted and recounted and counted again. And told myself, "Count again, correctly! You went to college! You have a degree!" And after the fifth time, it finally occurs to this girl of little faith that the numbers are correct and God has just stopped by to show off. Because, after all, it was never our sale, it was His. My heart overflows with love, joy, gratitude, humility. And I have an answer: a heart can never overflow enough. 

She asks how it went and I melt into tears. Unbelievable. Unimaginable. And He whispers, there in the cafe, "...Him, who is able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine..." And we talk of adoption, and infertility, and babies, and life, and God and everything under the sun and whatever parts of me were worried or doubting or afraid or scared or anxious...are gone and what is left is overflowing with love. 

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This was the first day of a simple sale to raise money to finish one step. 

One step closer. And I feel like I am running now, to my kids, our babies. And we are finally close. 

Thank you. To everyone who donated, brought a table, came, shared, liked, spread the word, bought, gave beyond the price, and gave simple words of encouragement and love. To those who are just as excited as us, who celebrate along with us. 

Thank you for joining us on this truly, amazing journey. I hope you see, just like me, how God is moving. 

And when asked why we are fundraising, making this usually private process so public, so out there, I will answer: "How could we not?"

How could we keep these adventures, answers to prayer, lavishing of love and care and community to ourselves? We'd later wonder, how selfish are we? And now you can see, adoption is not just an answer to infertility, a means to an end. Adoption is an adventure in trusting God, letting Him show off...because NOTHING can stand between Him and is kids. 

To those who are waiting with us, we ARE one step closer. thanks to you.