Relief and Home! (after our last trip to OKC)

Oh sweet mercy, six weeks have flown by. SIX. WEEKS. Seriously?

After a week of wonderful shock, interesting transitioning, and nearly overwhelming sleep deprivation we have gotten ourselves into a comfortable routine. We also did have a good two week stretch of testing and tantrums in there also - which was...interesting and fun (sarcasm!) - but worth every minute. We've waited for this child for what seems like eternity and are ready and willing to do whatever it takes!

Once we got into the swing of things at home where she was recognizing that this was her home, knowing her room was her room, and that every morning we would be there to great the day together she started pushing buttons and boundaries. I knew this would happen, but I think it was a shock to everyone how soon this out-of-the-honeymoon stage came.  After a few adjustments in our tactics before, during, and after the meltdowns we were tantrum free for days. Of course we are still working on things here and there. She is still three and has her own personality. But we are getting there. And I know that the moment I think we've got this another new thing will start. She is constantly changing and I am ever grateful for her growing.

She started calling us Mama-bear and Daddy-bear a couple of weeks after coming home. We were reading some books before bed and read The Three Little Bears. Immediately she pointed at the bears and said, "Jason, Jenna, Me!" And I went over their names in the story. For whatever reason it stuck hard with her and the next day we were Mama-bear and Daddy-bear. And only a week after that began she is no longer using our first names but these new names she created. Love. It.

She is thoroughly enjoying the benefits of having her Daddy wrapped around her finger, the backyard, bubbles, swimming in lakes and pools, walks and bike rides, and cooking with Mama. We are working on getting a more balanced diet as she only wanted to eat processed foods for the first few days. And I think that this will greatly help with some of our behavior issues. She has been sleeping through the night and waking up happy. in the last couple days she has gotten a little more brave and set out to find us, either in our bed or throughout the house, when she has woken up rather than screaming for us.

We had a week of worry and anxiety leading up to the trip south. It was a constant ebb and flow of worry and giving it up in prayer. Worries build and crash over, breathing thanks and releasing it...again and again. Every heartbeat. I don't want to call myself a pessimist, because I honestly don't believe I am. But I have become more of a faithful realist in the midst of infertility and this crazy adoption journey. I trust God will work it out according to His will, which is always best. But I am sharply aware that His will and my plan might not be the same. So I pray for His will, grace to accept any outcome, peace to be content, and hope for the amazing future He does have planned for us. And I jump on the message boards and our adoption page and let you know my worries. And you pray. And God delivers exceedingly wonderful miracles...more than we could imagine. Of course. I must tell myself, of course! Why did I even worry?

In the early morning hours of Wednesday July 23 Kristin, Anna, and I left from Minneapolis to make the long trek -again - to Oklahoma City. This was my fifth trip there and back. Unreal. If I never see that dreaded last stretch again I will be oh-so happy. I'll probably say it a thousand time, but it will never be enough, I am so so SO grateful for my sister and her willingness to not only travel with a nervous mama and an antsy 3 year old, but to also DRIVE. Amazing, she is ah-mazing! She drove so I would be able to sit in the back with Anna and read books and watch movies. I am equally grateful for my parents letting us use their car so we didn't have to rent one again!  I am also grateful that I did not get car sick, something of a family tradition growing up. We drove straight through to OKC with a "few" potty breaks along the way, and arrived at our hotel at 6:30 pm and stepped out into HADES!! Triple digit temps!

The trip was rather uneventful aside from gorging ourselves on food practically nonstop, is there any better way to travel and spend time with your sister??

I was so glad that Kristin and Anna had a good time together and that Anna is super comfortable with her. I'm sure it will help her grow more comfortable with other family members too.

Thursday morning we went to court. Kristin and Anna dropped me off and headed to the empty mall to wait. And she I found out we were on a docket of 24(!!!) I was sure we would be there all day. But before I knew it we were entering the court room and standing before the judge who had not always been kind and more like indifferent in the past. And to my pleasant surprise, he was cheerful, joking with me, smiling, and happy about our case!!

At the last court hearing another date was set for mid-September to address the tribes motion to transfer from DHS to tribal court. Since everything has been going smoothly with our case and her transition into our home, the tribe withdrew their motion and the judge agreed. So the September date was stricken. An October hearing is set as the mid-point for her trial adoption placement and is merely there to make sure the proper paperwork is in place and complete so that we can finalize immediately when we reach the six month mark. And we don't have to be present for the next hearing! No more trips!! I cannot tell you have excited I was to hear that. And we can also finalize in Minnesota. We are hoping to finalize in December or January, so that will save us a terribly long winter road trip! We also are under no obligation to continue communication with the former foster family. We can be a "normal"family with no one interfering or judging or working to disrupt or stealing our time together. The amazing wave of peace and relief...I cannot describe!

We spent the rest of the day enjoying ourselves and celebrating with cupcakes and a movie! So much relief and freedom felt when the judge smiled. No more worry they will remove her from our home. We can move forward without a court hearing looming over us. We can just be. Oh how wonderful a thought!

Friday morning I dropped Anna off with her former foster family for her last visit with them. It was arranged after the previous court hearing and the family had not backed out so we had to continue with it. She was a trooper but it was hardy she cried and begged not to go which I thought was so interesting. Never before had she cried when we picked her up, even though she had been with her foster family for over six months. Yet after one month with us she is a mess and holding tight to me, not wanting to go. Interesting, that's all I will say about it.

It was terrible for me, her little hands holding hard to my fingers and legs. Poor thing. I cried a bit after I drove off but then I got lost so I was distracted. Thank you God for simple frustrations. And when I got back to the hotel with Kristin, we checked out and set out for some fun and trouble. Hit up Target, because where else would we go? Visited a cousin. Had lunch with a friend from Russia. And stopped in at one of our favorite coffee places that we had yet to visit together. A wonderful afternoon of hysterical laughter, chatting, and loads of caffeine!

We picked up Anna at 4 and headed north. She was confused, tired, and not quite ready for the long trip ahead. After 14 hours, 10 stops, 6 cups of coffee, 5 states, and one desperate call to Daddy-bear to calm an angry Baby-bear we finally made it home. We were nearly delirious and these two sister-friends talked about EVERYTHING in the world. I really can't remember the last 20 miles, except for the row of orange construction barrels I almost slammed into (sorry Dad).

We were all excited to be home and see Daddy-bear. Kristin still had another three hours to drive so we had a much needed nap while Anna and Jason went thrifting and shopping. And they found a pool so we had fun with that!

We are so thankful for my parents and my sister, and Eric, as he rode his bike all week for work. It was a good trip, lots of laughing and fun. A trip that had to be done and we did it so well, even better than I had expected. Thank you Bean. You're the best Auntie in the world.

After a weekend of catching up in sleep and slowly unpacking we are back to normal. Even better actually. She is now calling us Daddy and Mama sometimes rather than Daddy-bear and Mama-bear. She is also slowly moving out of her aversion stage - for the last few weeks she has been anti-Jenna whenever Jason is around, and I am so happy we are almost done with that. Of course it stings a bit.

It has now been two weeks since we have traveled and I am amazed at how well she has been adjusting and how fast she is growing! She has been shortening her Mama-bear and Daddy-bear to Mama and Daddy randomly throughout the day. She refers to our siblings and their spouses as aunts (Ants) and Uncles. And she knows the grandparents as Grandma, Grandpa, Gko-gko (Kickapoo for Grandmother) and Pop Pop. So exciting to see her begin to connect with and love her extended family.

She is riding her own bike and is now going to the bathroom all on her own. She is telling elaborate stories with made up characters and plots. Let me tell you, she has the best imagination ever. I love her stories. She is also singing and dancing nearly nonstop. I think we're going to have to get her into some classes soon!

If you would like to stay updated and see many more pics follow us on instagram at jennaloujellyshoe. I believe you can also search #annabealove and see some pics as well.

We love her to bits and pieces!! And can't imagine life without her. How did we exist without her smile every morning and her laughter filling the house?

I hope to keep you updated and give you more stories from our first few weeks here shortly, and some more eloquent posts as well! Thanks for checking in and being a part of this journey. We wouldn't be here with you.

xo,
jenna