An Update LONG Overdue...

The kitchen sink is clogged. And that dead black goo is coming out the drain. Dropped an egg on our carpeted kitchen floor. And the jelly knife fell onto my just-washed-and-dried hair. And…did I mention I ran into the garage with my car?

What can I say? It's been one of those weeks. Full of those stupid, small, little mishaps -- until they pile up and you think you're going crazy. What else can possibly happen now? I walk around with a dead stare in my eyes, learned helplessness at this point. Like playing dodge ball in high school. I just stand at the line ready for the inevitable hit. At least they are foam balls. At least I'm still standing. The house is still standing. And the bills are getting paid. I think...

So what better time to write an update. Life has been crazy-gone-nuts for the past three months and I thought with the new year that things would settle down. Nope. And I was silly to think that my life would reach some sort of calm, therapeutic lull. I mean, come on, my life?

If I had a reality show, I would sing this update to you. I can see it now. Family and friends dancing to amazing and weird choreography…Man, I wish I had my own show. But alas…

So what happened??

. : o c t o b e r : .

We were well into the home study process with two visits completed. And we also started the home buying process! So the paper work was flying and our files are still recovering from that. Amazingly, though, both processes require almost exactly the same bits (or piles) of information. Our kitchen table turned into file pile central: one for the house, another for the agency.

We also started cleaning and painting in our soon-to-be home. It's the good man's grandma's. This was perfect! Painting for two weeks straight without furniture to move and make messy. And I am so glad the good man encouraged me to keep going. I can't imagine doing any painting now!

And we were thrown for a crazy wonderful loop when we got a call in September about a little girl who would be available for adoption soon. (!!!) We hadn't told hardly a soul and didn't want to get our hopes up to quickly, only to have them sink like an anchor. So we kept going, one step and then another.

It was a crazy couple months by then end of October -- calling social workers, adoption agencies, DHS workers, state offices, realtors, mortgage lenders…and trying to maintain some sense of sanity...

Our final home study visit was on Halloween night at our house. Still empty and freezing, we finished up some paper work and high fived! One step closer!!

. : n o v e m b e r : .

Pretty much more furies of paper work -- always one more thing needed. And still trying to get the house ready to move into.

A staffing was conducted to decide the future placement for this little girl. And we were decided as the intended adoptive family!! We expected to hear immediately after the staffing what they decided but it was a couple of days later and several phone calls away. But we are excited and beyond thrilled. We were told to look forward to phone calls and emails with her current foster parents in order to establish a bond with her. 

We closed on the house at the end of the month, right before Thanksgiving. Needless to say we had

plenty to be grateful for this year. And we moved into our new home with the amazing help of family and friends. 

And fresh venison was had by all.

A stack of crazy paper work still sits in the corner, but we are relieved that all that file hunting is behind us!

. : d e c e m b e r : .

…was pure craziness!! We unpacked, cleaned our apartment, signed the end of lease papers and were waiting for a special traveler and new family member -- a new brother-in-law!! Bean was eagerly anticipating the long awaited arrival of her fiancé, from Cameroon, who she met in Moscow. I know!  After he was told again and again to keep waiting for his visa, it finally was time for him to pick it up and get on the plane!

So for the first time ever, we met him and welcomed him home. And the timing was perfect because the wedding was set for two weeks later! I'm telling you…Pure. Craziness.

We hadn't heard anything from any social workers or DHS staff at this point since the staffing in the beginning of November. I was feeling really low and kind of defeated. Sent out several emails with no reply and wallowed into a ball of yarn.

On Friday the 13th, after climbing the ladder of DHS staff by way of emails and phone calls, I finally got the amazing information we had been longing for! Contact information for the foster parents and…A PICTURE!!! The good man was home when I opened the email and I just bawled with joy all over his shirt. That cute little face and that perfect smile!

Then I packed my bags and headed to the tundra called Northern Minnesota to help with the wedding. I was the matron of honor…and self designated bossy planner! Sure there were crazy moments, like when everything Bean touched broke -- her coat, her necklace, her capo. Or when we had to practically make a seating chart for the cars every time we left the house. But it was a beautiful wedding. Not a dry eye in the place, except for Dad, but he never cries. IF he did cry, I think all of us girls would stop the wedding and post it on instagram. For. Real. The happy couple rode off into the blistering cold to enjoy their honeymoon!

 And back to the real world. Can I just say that my struggle to hibernate was made only worse this horribly frozen year? Oh, it was terrible. I wrote the foster parents an email just after Christmas, not wanting to jump into their holiday celebration. "Hi, you're foster daughter, whom you love, is now going to live with me." No, I didn't write that, but how does one write one of the most bittersweet letters there can ever be? I did my best and sent it off.

. : j a n u a r y : .

The sink is clogged. And stinky. And I still haven't heard from the foster parents. But I'm told that they have been busy with family these past few weeks. Grace, I am giving grace.

But more, I have just been informed that this little one will not be cleared to leave her state until May. Five more months of waiting. And I am just really struggling to be positive about this. Okay, positive is not the right word. There is no positive to this. She was mine, in my heart, from the moment I heard about her and no mom wants to be away from her child. So, really, I am just trying not to be negative about this. I got myself a coffee when I picked up the plunger and I am listening to Coldplay and the Karmin cover of Look At Me Now.

How strange. This confusion of feelings.

Never have I felt it more than today. Excited and overjoyed to think that this summer we will have a little one, our little one, running around our house and our backyard. And the heartbreak and pain of waiting another season to bring her home.

I feel happy and grateful to be celebrating my Dad's birthday tomorrow -- so thankful to have his love and silliness another year. And the sorrow as today marks 18 years my grandma, his mother, has been gone. I think as I get older and remember childhood, the things that I missed, that went over my head, are hitting me now. Singing happy birthday in the van as we traveled to Grammy's funeral…just shatters my heart this year.

And as the mistakes of a friend are made known to the world, I want to show compassion yet I am angered. I have seen this news before, many times, and never once felt so conflicted. Should I have been more compassionate to others? Should I be harder now?

But for right now, I sit in my new house, which has seen the growings up of many others and has been loved well, holding tight to the knowledge that there is a plan and gathering courage to wait and hope and let the joy flow freely, celebrating the fact that we are one step closer to growing our family…and in awe that life could look so different in just a few months. October to now, now to May...

I will pull up the bootstraps and unclog the sink.

And wash the jelly out of my hair.